When I think of my wedding day,

I envision a sea of people I’ve come across in my lifetime

celebrating my love.

People I’ve worked with,

cared for,

spent time with—

even people I may have only spoken to a handful of times.

I can look at every one of you

and proudly say I’ve learned something through each interaction.

I can only hope you’ve learned something from me too.

⸻

But even so,

with as many people in my life as I can think of,

I still struggle to nurture those relationships.

Am I stretching myself too thin?

It shouldn’t be that hard to send out a simple text.

Why do I feel so paralyzed?

Maybe I’m creating expectations in my head

that I have to fulfill for each one of you.

Is my fear of failing to blame?

My past experiences shouldn’t hold me back.

⸻

I’ve had numerous conversations lately—

“You’re a great guy… but a bad friend.”

“You’re too inconsistent.”

“You disappear too much.”

Those words hit me like a truck.

And unfortunately, I’m the driver.

It pains me to realize I’m at fault.

I can tell you that I care for you,

that I love you,

that you make me happy—

but my actions never seem to keep up with my words.

How could I have so many beautiful things to say

and still struggle to give out a simple apology?

It shouldn’t be so hard to be apologetic, right?

⸻

Would you still care for me when I fall?

Will you be there when I’m down,

the same way you’re there when I’m up?

Will you hate me for letting you down?

These questions run through my mind

when I’m neglecting you all.

It was never my intention to do so—

but maybe intention doesn’t matter

if I hurt you anyway.

⸻

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry more than I could ever describe.

I should be celebrating you—

the relationships we’ve created.

It’s never mattered where you came from,

or our differences.

You all matter to me.

Even when I’m silent,

I celebrate your wins.

Even when I can’t see you,

I admire you all.

You’ve come so far in your own little ways.

If I could throw a party for each of your wins, I would.

Unfortunately, that’s where my problem lies—

I have to remind myself

that I can’t be everywhere all at once.

But that’s okay.

⸻

I shouldn’t dwell on what I can’t do.

Instead, I should focus on the actions I can show.

If I never told you before,

then I’ll tell you now—

I love, love.

I love all of my friends dearly.

Thank you for everything you’ve ever taught me.

You have been nothing short of amazing,

and I’m always proud of you.

I’ve cherished every moment we’ve shared—

big or small.

We’ve grown, won, and lost together.

You’ve seen me at my lowest and my highest,

and I could never repay you for that.

I promise to be a better friend.

I promise to share more experiences with you.

The least I could do

is be there for you

the way you’ve been there for me.

I hope I get to see you at my wedding someday.

I can’t wait to tell my children about you

and the things we’ve been through.

I promise to speak your names and stories.

They will live in my heart—

forever.